Broken inside out

So… I am leaving Swizterland & Tanz Akademie Zurich… 

Quitting dance isn’t some kind of a hard decision, that I took. If I could have decided, I would be forever dancing. But sometimes your life just makes the decisions for you. Or like in my case, my body.

My type of injury will never heal. I can currently not do any movement, at all, without feeling a big pain in my lower back. Of course this will get better from now on, when I stop dancing, but it will never fully heal. The broken L5 bone in my spine, on the left side, will never recover to where it used to be. For now, I am stable, due to the fact that the bone on the other side is still complete. Although it has a really bad stress reaction, almost a fracture. I have to be really careful not to break that bone as well. When it is healed, in a few months, the pain won’t be as bad as it is now. Daily training and dancing will break this bone sooner or later, and that cannot happen.

That is why I cannot become a professional dancer. I will forever be a dancer, but never have a career as a ballerina.

This is the conclusion of doing several X-rays & an MRI. The diagnose is clear, without any doubts.

Sadly but truly, this is what I have in my back and it cannot ever be healed. No surgery or rest will make the problem disappear.

I am so sad about this. Really. Quitting ballet? What? Me..? NO WAY!
Once again, sadly but truly, this is what I have to do.

Life can sometimes be shit, fucked up & such a mess. That is how I feel right now. I know for sure that my new life in India will be very good as well. But leaving, what used to be, my whole life behind, is horrible.

Endlessly many thanks to everyone who has written to me, and who supports me. I have gotten such nice and heart breaking comments & messages. I love you all!

 

“When one door closes, another bigger one opens…”

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4 Replies to “Broken inside out”

  1. Lire tes posts me donne envie de pleurer… Je suis tellement déçue pour toi. Je te suis depuis un bon moment et t’admire énormément. Tu es vraiment magnifique, aussi bien intérieurement qu’extérieurement. Bravo d’en être arrivée là où tu es ! Tu peux etre fière de ton parcours ! Profite à présent de ta vie en Inde, qui est un pays génial, et de ta famille qui t’aime très fort

    XXX

    Like

  2. You are so strong for being positive, I admire you greatly for that. I bet you will discover better things in the future because when something ends better things are always coming to fill this void. Lots of love! 🙂 xxxx

    Like

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