– Thoughts on fracturing my back 

Being told I could never dance again & that I immediately had to quit dancing, wasn’t funny. Neither being in that much pain. Or to leave everything I had in Zurich.
I’m not religious & I don’t believe I God (though I respect everyone who does), what I do believe in sometimes though, is that things happen for a reason. Just as much as I hate how this happened to me, I’m kind of glad it did. 

Fracturing my back has led to many things. I got to spend more time in Delhi, making it feel like home as well. This, led to making loads of new friends. I’ve met people with such different backgrounds, who’ve lived all over the world & experienced all sorts of things. I’ve made so many good friends who have really helped me a lot. Refusing going back to India after being in Zurich wasn’t an option, I had to go & I hated it. 3 months later & I hated leaving instead. Making many good friends is one thing, but I am also super thankful for the amazing physio I was able to do in Delhi. I don’t think I could’ve gotten any better physio in neither Sweden, Zürich or any other place in the world. My back is way better now & that’s all thanks to the physio I received.

Am I happy about fracturing my back? 

Well, this has given me time to think, to reconsider, to realise & to get knowledge about things I’d never do if this wouldn’t happen. I’m not happy, in fact, I hate that fracturing my back may make me unable to become a professional dancer. On the other hand, I’m glad for these many experiences I’ve gotten because of this. Lots & lots & lots of traveling, new friends & overall many new influences in my life.

I’m starting the boarding school in 11 days. I will try my best to do the full year in only one semester. I will also continue to do physio & practise ballet. For this semester, I’ll do as much ballet as I can- workout everyday & put as much effort as I possible can into the dance. While my studies & the academics are just as important. I have no idea where I’ll go next school year. I want to be a dancer so badly but another (more logic) part of me, says that the best choice would be to graduate & do all three years at the boarding school. Choosing the dance is a huge uncertainty, especially since I’m not even & ever will be, able to tell if my back will manage. Or break again… At the same time, I’m not sure I’ll manage a life without ballet? Hmm… 

Though, this isn’t a decision I have to take today. For now, I’ll start at the boarding school, do my best, keep up with the ballet at the same time, do it as much as I can as long as it works out. To try my back and see how hard I can push it. 

XOXO

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